A few more limericks from my friend in London:
A writer from Russia called Chekhov
Shouted: "Look, I may well break the neck of
The next actor who whines
'I've forgotten my lines' -
That's my new play you're making a wreck of!"
Said a prince of Romania called Vlad,
"Please listen, I'm really not bad.
At heart I'm a joker,
So tell that Bram Stoker -
The way I've been libelled is sad."
"If I must, I admit to one failing.
I am rather fond of impaling.
That is true, it's not fiction;
My excuse? An addiction!
Try it once, then the rest is plain sailing."
Thought an actor called Anthony Hopkins,
"Will this movie I'm in be a flopkins?"
He feared to confess it;
The film was - can you guess it?
Jodie Foster was playing the copkins ...
"The role is the King of Siam.
Are you up for it, Yul?" "Yes I am.
Though cast members will mock,
I shall fly to Bangkok
(With a stopover in Vietnam)".
25 Dec 20
A friend of mine, good at finding four-leafed clovers, sent this interesting picture - one with five leaves:
MORE LIMERICKS FROM HEDLEY
As her enemies cowered in fear,
She said to her soldiers "Draw near!
On that straight Roman road
In large letters, in woad,
I shall write 'Boadicea woz 'ere'."
And a Leicestershire one::
Henry VII said "Gosh, it's so thrilling
To witness Richard III's killing.
His body can fester
In a car park in Leicester
While I receive royal top billing."
25 Jun 13
I have just arranged and recorded my own version of Doucet's "Chopinata". Click here for the recording.
28 Dec 12
Grown this year - some Maori potatoes: unusual in appearance, but the taste is normal enough; a little like the variety 'Congo' ...
Mandy, Jodie and Abi trapped in a fractal on a Harley ....
22 Aug 12
The Olympics supremo Jacques Rogge
Went out and tripped over a dogge.
As he lay in the gutter
Someone heard him mutter
"I was only going out for a jogge."
Would the person who won the triathlon,
Be equally good at pentathlon?
A sporting all-rounder
Would probably flounder
If asked to attempt the decathlon.
There really can be no confusion -
It isn't a national delusion.
A joy to behold -
We have won lots of gold -
All in all a successful conclusion.
21 Aug 12
A tree grown from a stone; it has about two dozen fruit per year. Click the picture for more detail.
20 Aug 12
Amazing snack: Mackie's peppered crisps using Lady Claire potatoes. Quite superb; never had anything like them ....
19 Aug 12
Sent to me by a friend... apparently a paraprosdokian is a sentence with a wicked twist at the end...
1.Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2.If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
3.The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
19 Aug 12
A limerick from my friend Hedley, commemorating the superb Olympic opening ceremony of about a fortnight ago ...
The nation is now very fond-o
Of the girl who won gold in taekwondo.
In the wake of the Queen
She is soon to be seen
In a film with Dan Craig as James Bond-o.
More from Hedley soon ....
18 Aug 12
GLOBAL WARMING - OR NOT?
A new paper by Anthony Watts and others shows that the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) – the US government body in charge of America's temperature record, has systematically exaggerated the extent of late 20th century global warming, by using data from inappropriately sited weather stations and by making temperature adjustments.
89% of weather stations in the US are sited less than the required 30m/100feet from a building, tarmaced/concreted area or other heat source.
Watts has shown that most of the weather stations in the US are so poorly sited that their temperature readings are unsound.
This has led to official 'global warming' figures claimed by government and others showing a temperature rise much bigger than that which has actually occurred.
Nevertheless the official figures have been used by policy formers to devise extremely expensive 'low carbon' strategies which make no economic sense.
One blogger put it succinctly:
"The adjustments they are making are greater than the claimed trend. US warming is occurring solely inside government computers."